February 2011
45 posts
6 tags
Lust is in the air
Stupid Cupid must have shot this guy with a Viagra/Red Bull-dipped arrow. You know chivalry is dead (and six feet under) when a complete stranger tells you that there’s a tent in his pants. Have fun camping, dude. Alone, I assume. Whereas, I’ll be over in my awesome fort with a sign that reads “no boys allowed.” Waiting for the immature archer to hit me with that...
1 tag
Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I expect a gentleman to introduce himself before he tries to offer you some meat smothered in pants.
2 tags
When did MySpace become a dating site?
DUDE: You're too cute.
YOURS TRULY: I get that a lot. I'm really an asshole.
DUDE: I'd like to have a sexy asshole like you as my woman.
YOURS TRULY: I'm very flattered by your persistence and all, but I would like to point out that you don't know me.
DUDE: So? I can still lust you....or is that a crime these days?
YOURS TRULY: Depends on how hard you do it.
January 2011
29 posts
3 tags
Mixed Emotions
There’s good news and bad news. Being ecstatic and excited about something, and sad and worried about another thing. Being so full of love and welcoming new life in the world, and hating someone else so much you could kill them. Looking forward to and dreading the future and what it may bring. Confused about what’s going on. There’s too much information to be absorbing at...
1 tag
“Twinkle, twinkle, little star, point me to the nearest bar!”
2 tags
5 tags
“Genuine love should first be directed at oneself—if we do not love...”
– Dalai Lama’s Twitter page (I was shocked to see that he tweets)
1 tag
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“Why would you wanna make love go away? It’s hard enough to find it in the...”
– The Women
1 tag
That fail moment
thatfailmoment:
when you go to push a door, but after the third try realize that you have to pull it.
2 tags
“How do you tell your heart, no, don’t swell with magic, you’ll only...”
– Glass
1 tag
That awkward moment
thatawkwardmoment:
when you are trying to listen to someone talking, and take a sip without looking at your straw, and either swirl your tongue around till you find the straw, or stab yourself with it.
2 tags
Match Made in Heaven
BREADMAN: I feel like I should be having sex with Ke$ha. Know what I'm saying?
YOURS TRULY: Is that because she says, "Don't be a little bitch with your chit chat; just show me where your dick's at" ?
BREADMAN: Fuck yeah! Do you ever say that?
YOURS TRULY: Not recently.
3 tags
1 tag
That Awkward Moment
thatawkwardmoment:
when sweat pants are the only thing that fits you right now.
3 tags
Urban Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, there was an enchanted hot mess who had an epiphany. She realized that she and the handsome prince could live happily ever after…just not together. That he was not the villian after all. That they could be friends. That he really was a good guy…just not a good boyfriend for her. They did not have an epic, life-changing romance. But he did, however, change her...
3 tags
1 tag
2 tags
“Justin Bieber has lesbian hair! He stole that look from us!”
– Candy Panties
1 tag
I hate...
…stupid girls. The ones that hate you because of some guy. Men are not property and definitely not worth fighting over.
That awkward moment
thatawkwardmoment:
when someone says they want a boob job and you realize your boobs are smaller than theirs.
That awkward moment
thatawkwardmoment:
when a guy says, “Hey baby, what’s your sign?” and she replies, “Hmm, I’m not sure. They just changed them all.”
I'm Not Gonna Write You A Love Song...
…because you’re not worth it anymore.
1 tag
Go Ahead
Go ahead and slip into oblivion. Hide in the shadows, and get wrapped up in yourself. It’s tragic when self-loathing grows. Inebriation only makes you sink further down, and dwell in the darkest corners of your mind, asking yourself so many questions with no answers to find. Go ahead and slip into oblivion. Since you’ve lost your faith and hope. Drain the bottle and tear the...
Simon Says
Be good and do all the things you should. Curl your hair, dress to the nines, act like you care, read the signs, and watch out for land mines. Act right, behave, apply eyeshadow, wear your jeans low, and be his slave. Work out everyday, know the game, know the rules, and how to play.
2 tags
Two Years
Two years. For two years he’s been jerking me around. He’s been in my head, heart, and dreams for two years. We had a relationship. I slept next to him every single night for a long time. We talked, we laughed, we kissed, we made love. How did two years get reduced to one night? Why does this stranger think of me as a girl he kissed on New Year’s Eve two years ago? After...
3 tags
eternal sunshine of a spotless mind
You’re nothing more than a memory to me. It’s quite possible that you never actually existed. Merely a figment of my overactive imagination. An image that haunted me in my dreams. A dream that haunted me in my wake. A hallucination that kissed me. A mirage that held me. A delusion that made me cry. An aberration that just called me…
Happy New Year
Last year was full of mistakes and miracles. Truth, lies, hope, and reality. Realizations, oblivion, epiphanies, fantasies, delusions, discoveries, and lessons learned the hard way. Break-ups and breakdowns. Making up and melting down. Good times and great friends. Laughter, tears, hugs, shoves, kisses, and kiss-off’s. Phone calls and close calls. Blessings that were counted and...